I can’t call them all out by name, but some of them seem to stick out in my memory. Their beautiful innocence and the savage way they were taken from this world makes them stand out. Caylee Anthony, 3, Somer Thompson, 7, Elizabeth Olten, 9, and most recently Shaniya Davis, 5. They were all perfect angels with nothing but love, smiles and happiness to share in their short lives on this side.

Caylee Anthony, 3, was guilty of loving a mother who was jealous of the attention she was given by her grandparents. We don’t know it yet but I won’t be surprised when her mother is proven to be her killer. Caylee had the most beautiful eyes and smile.

Haleigh Cummings, 5, missing from her bed and while being closely monitored by her step-mother on February, 5 this year from Satsuma, Florida. The step-mother seems suspicious to me.

Somer Thompson, 7, walked home from school to tell her parents about her day only to be found a few days later in a landfill a few miles from her home like she was a bag of garbage. They haven’t found her murderer yet, but I feel strongly they will with time.

Elizabeth Olten, 9, who went missing on her way home after leaving a friend’s house after playing and having fun. A 15 year old girl led authorities to a grave that she dug a few days before she put the little girl’s body in it because she wanted to know what it felt like to kill somebody. Yes, she should be charged as an adult.

And then there’s the one that shocked, disgusted and enraged me the most. Shaniya Davis, 5, affected the country just as all the missing, exploited and murdered children in this country do. It hurt us all to learn of her mother’s request to be given another chance at being a mother just to find out that she gave her to a man who would be accused of raping and murdering her the same day.

After searching for Shaniya for 6 days, her body was found amongst dead deer carcasses in trash bags in the forest by the side of the road. The poor baby apparently was so decomposed that she had to have a closed casket.

I didn’t know this angel other than hearing about her on the news but there was something about this case that made me want to be there to mourn with her family and other concerned members of the community. Her funeral was less than 2 hours from where I live and I was determined to attend. Although the funeral started at 3pm, they locked the doors to the church at 2:30pm because it reached its full capacity of 2000.

I was among the 200 others who stood outside and watched the ceremony from a monitor with no sound. As we watched the monitor, we also conversed about how and why this angel was taken so viciously and early in her journey. I remember hearing a lady say, “I keep thinking about the pain she was in as this grown man was trying to enter her like she was a grown woman”.

That thought was one that haunted me as well. Even if the mother gave her away for that purpose, how could a grown man think of doing something so foul to a young, innocent, beautiful angel? Since Fayetteville is not that big there were people speaking as though they knew her captor; they commented that he had a daughter close to Shaniya’s age. There was also a comment made that they “just couldn’t see him doing something like this”.

Well, we won’t know all the details until the trial starts, but I know this for sure. I hope they put every and anyone who had something to do with this in general population so that they could get the type of justice that our judicial system won’t or can’t give.

I was reading an article from CNN iReport about another missing child in Florida that was extremely thought-provocative. It suggested inserting a GPS chip under the skin that could be removed at age 18 if desired. The article also mentioned that a child goes missing every 40 seconds, or, over 21,00 per day.

“In excess of 800,000 children are reported missing each year; 500,000 go missing without ever being reported.” (Office of Juvenile Justice & Delinquency Prevention, November 23, 2009.)

There’s no way of knowing if some of the missing will ever be found, if justice will ever be served or if no other children will ever come up missing again. In fact the only solace we can all have is that at least we know all the angles are where they belong – flying high with no troubles, worries, or pain from the heartless people who can hurt them or take away their wings.

REST IN PEACE BEAUTIFUL ANGELS

Hotep

Surprisingly, most of these suicide have occurred stateside and not in the theater of combat. However, the continued stress of dealing with repeated deployments into two wars overseas is believed to be driving the rates increasingly skyward.

This is one of the many facts that the President’s critics fail to consider as they throw rocks at President Obama for not rushing the decision to deploy more troops to Afghanistan. They also fail to consider the other deployment costs that our brave warriors must bear when they are called to serve. For every man and woman that gets deployed, there are spouses, children, parents and others that must cope with this stress as well. These casualties don’t get mentioned of acknowledged by the trigger-happy critics. How many marriages have collapsed due to the stress of repeated deployments? How many teenage pregnancies have occurred because Daddy’s away and Mommy has to work an extra job to make ends meet? (You’d be amazed at how many people in the military work part time jobs to support their families. Those dollars don’t get replaced when you get deployed).

While I personally believe that we need to continue the war in Afghanistan, I also believe that we must be PREPARED to fight it – and win it! Part of that preparation is ensuring that we aren’t pushing our soldiers to the brink of physical or mental destruction without the proper support systems and channels. Just today there was a news report of a female soldier who refused to deploy because she had no one to take care of her children. The report stated that her commanders advised her to put her children in foster care!!! Is that the best support we can provide for the men and women who risk their lives for this country? FOSTER CARE???

In 2001 we rushed into this war, got distracted for 7 years, and now we’ve decided to try to win it. The enemies we face are well armed, well financed, have home field advantage and are difficult if not impossible to find. They are also made stronger by the fact that the local Government is unable and unwilling to support itself or defend its people from these enemies without our support. The only way this war ends is if the Afghani government can provide its people protection from Al Qaeda and the Taliban forces that refuse to disarm. The Hamid Karzai and the rest of his cronies are unable to lead and develop the security forces of this nation; we should either replace them or leave. The one thing we cannot do is blindly throw more troops at this war and hope for a win. The surge that worked in Iraq was not just additional soldiers – it was also negotiation with enemies and improved government stability which made the Iraqi “surge” successful.

Our warriors deserve a well thought out strategy for success in this war. They deserve the proper support structures to reduce deployment-related stresses. Our leaders have a responsibility to ensure that their sacrifices are not made in vain. Mr. President, please work with your committee and work on making the right decision – not just the quick one. Our soldiers deserve a REAL plan for success!

So, when I look at the results of yesterday’s elections, I see a clear warning for the Democrats.  Right now the American people believe that the Democratic Party truly sucks!!  It’s amazing to me how awful they are right now – and how weak they have been since the end of the Clinton Era.

How do you lose two critical Gubernatorial elections just ONE YEAR after electing a Black President?  Well, here’s how.

1.  LOOK WEAK AND INEFFECTIVE!!   While the Republicans have whined and cried like Chicken Little the past year, the Democrats have hemmed and hawed.  This makes them look weak, disorganized and ineffective.  The united front of the Republicans (led by Rush Limbaugh)makes them look confident and convinced!  They appear stronger in their message, and stronger in their convictions.  As a result, Independent voters are swayed more by Republican lies than they are by Democratic FACTS!  Meanwhile, the Democrats, despite having overwhelming majorities in the House and Senate, have yet to pass a single piece of legislation that matters to the majority of the American people!  The Democrats have failed to rise to the challenge of their leader (President Obama), and as a result, they appear to already have failed to lead the nation.

2.  POOR MESSAGING AND OUTREACH - Here in Virginia, where the most significant butt-whipping took place, the Democrats have forgotten how they earned that hard fought victory in 2008.  Creigh Deeds and his campaign did a fantastically POOR JOB of leveraging grass roots movements and modern technology to engage likely voters.  President Obama won because teens, college students, young professionals, poor people and racial and religious minorities responded to his message and his outreach.  After watching the Virginia Gubernatorial election for 6 months, I can’t tell you what Creigh Deeds’ message ever was.

3.  POOR CONSTIUTENT ENGAGEMENT - Why are Democrats more afraid of old people who use Government run health care than they are of poor people who NEED Government run healthcare?  Because POOR PEOPLE DON’T VOTE ALL THE TIME,  OLD PEOPLE DO!!!  Why didn’t any of these Senators of Congressmen hold their town hall meetings in poor neighborhoods, in closed up steel mills or in the middle of town where people could use public transportation to make it to the venue?  Why not hold a health care town hall at an unemployment office?  Democrats, whether you like it or not – you are the Party of the Young, the Party of the Poor and the Party of the  Brown.   Unfortunately for you, those groups are inconsistent voters!  BUT – they will vote IF YOU ENGAGE THEM!!!!  If you don’t, they wont’ – and you will LOSE!!

So Democrats, unless you want to get your asses kicked again, do the following things:

1.  Grow some BALLS and support your President!  Help him get something significant accomplished BEFORE A DEADLINE PASSES!!

2.  Grow some BALLS and support a position!!  Stop telling people what you think they want to hear and start telling them what they need to hear!  Have a meeting with your team, agree on a position, and stick with that message!!

3.  Engage ALL of your constituents!! If you spend most of your time talking to people who are just like you, then you are not talking to the people who can help you win!  Roll up your sleeves, leave your big house in the suburbs, and hit the streets!  Your success is not in the sky, it’s in the grassroots.  That’s where you have to build and MAINTAIN your foundation.

Lastly, while opinions may differ as to whether this election is a statement on the policies of President Obama – please be assured that IT IS!!  The problem is that the message is coming from people who never supported President Obama anyway!!  Regardless of what the exit polling says – I’ll bet $100 that the majority of independent that voted for Republicans in yesterdays election voted  against President Obama last year.  The problem is that the independents who supported President Obama failed to vote.  They failed to vote, because the Democrats failed to motivate them to get to the polls.

That’s right!  I know, it seems like ancient history – but it’s TRUE!  Back in February, listening to the advice of his Generals, our President approved 17,000 more troops for deployment to Afghanistan.  That approval increased the number of troops in Afghanistan by 30%!

If the President decides to deploy an additional 40,000 troops  – that will be a 100% increase in current troop levels!  100%!!!  Where are these troops supposed to come from?  Do we intend on drafting them?  If we send them – then what’s their mission?  How long do you need them?  When will they come home?

So, what has this dramatic surge bought us from our Afghani allies?  A stolen election, increased government corruption, and more attacks by the Taliban and Al Qaeda on American personnel and Afghan civilians.

Quick history lesson folks.  When the Soviet Union went to war in Afghanistan, they did it to support the corrupt and weak central government that was their ally.  Despite billions of dollars in aid – the corruption and incompetence of the government at the time was unable to defend itself or it’s people from an insurgency amongst it’s people.

The Soviets initially invaded with about 40,000 troops – which is more than 4 times the amount the US used during our initial assault.  Very quickly, those troop levels rose to over 120,000!  After 7 years of fighting with over 120,000 troops on the ground – the Soviets had to leave.  Not because they were defeated militarily – but because THEY WERE BROKE!!  They could no longer afford a war for a weak central government that was too corrupt and incompetent to stand on it’s own!!

More troops in Afghanistan without a reliable government in place is a proven recipe for disaster.  A disaster that America cannot afford.  We cannot just bomb and kill our way to safety in that country.  We have to take the same steps we took in Iraq.  Work with the people so they can run their own country effectively through a coalition government that most of the country can believe in!!

If Afghanistan has no reliable government in place – and all we do is kill everyone that disagrees with us – we’ll wind up right where the Soviets did.  Back home, with no money, and little to show for all our hard work and sacrifice.

Since my early twenties I have taken a personal poll with my male friends and relatives.  I wanted to understand the male  fascination/obsession with sex so I had a series of questions I would ask.   I would explain that I understood why women loved sex so much because we have something inside our body and that in and out motion is extremely delightful.  But I believed that for men,  the fascination would seem less so, since men are just in a hole.  What’s the big deal, right?

Wrong!  Although through the years I’ve heard many interpretations and explanations for men’s love of sex, I’m still baffled.  I’ve been told that even though it’s a hole,  we don’t all feel the same.  Some of us are tighter.  Some of us get wetter.  Some are more vocal than others.  Some of us are enthusiastic participants,  while others are recipients of that good feeling and just lay there!  Then there’s my favorite,  “It’s sooooooooo warm!!”.  It goes on and on!  I’ve heard it all.

Yet what never ceases to amaze me is, how some men use the excuse that “I’m just a man doing what men do, what’s the problem?”  yet expect their partner, whether wife or girlfriend, to be committed and loyal.

David Letterman apologized for his escapades, yet somehow I don’t believe him.  I feel he’s sorry that the truth came to light.  Since he feels embarrassed and has publicly humiliated his wife,  he has tried to fix it with a fake-ass apology.  He wasn’t sorry at the time he was in the coochie!!  He was only when he was exposed.

And what about the women he had these affairs with?  They weren’t raped – they were willing participants, right?  As long as men are fascinated with sex and as long as there are women who don’t care if he’s married, these things are going to happen.

I wonder if marriage is really necessary or realistic.  Why not just sign a contract for 5 years with the option of renewing.  If a variety in sexual partners or boredom is the reason people cheat, just cancel the contract and keep it moving.

Stop making a mockery of the vows!  Stop humiliating your significant other! Stop setting a bad example to our children of what it means to make a commitment.  Stop acting like wild animals in the forest who have no control over their libido.  Stop f—ing and start making love…. it feels a lot better, and it has more meaning too.

I guess all in all, I want to see more  intimacy where there is loyalty, honesty, respect and control.  Not what we see today that is so prevalent, f—ing, screwing, and all amounts of lasciviousness than necessary.  What’s wrong with everybody, have we all lost our minds, or is it just me?

Hotep

The victim suffered burns over 75% of his body.  He will immediately face months of painful recovery, skin grafts, etc.  Long term, he’ll face years of having to deal with the scars of this attack.  This kid’s life has been changed forever for doing the right thing.  I would hope that if my children caught someone stealing from me that they would report it.  I believe most parents feel the same way.

So why do I feel the need to call out Black people for this?  Because the accused perpetrators of this horrific crime were all Black teenagers – the youngest of which was 13.  For some reason, I was shocked by that they were Black.  In all honesty, had the victim been shot, stabbed or beaten up – I would have expected it – but setting someone on fire?  To conspire to scar another teenager for the rest of his life?  This is a new level of depravity. 

Personally, I think the kids should be charged as adults.  A fight that gets out of hand is one thing – but the depravity of this attack requires that these kids suffer the full consequences of their actions if convicted.  Tragically, this means that these perpetrators will also be scarred for life.  For all intent and purposes, a huge part of their lives ended that day as well.  These kids may never walk across a stage at graduation.  They may never join the military, go to college or simply get that first job out of high school.  Their parents may never watch them go to the prom, get married or have kids.  All the important milestones of life that every parent looks looks forward to watching their kids achieve are now gone.  While sad, these kids deserve this.

As a Black parent of three, I faced with the awesome responsibility of trying to raise my kids to be responsible adults.  That being said, I also feel the responsibility of trying to make sure that they do not become perpetrators of some heinous crime!  I pray everyday that the money I’m putting in their college fund doesn’t have to be used for bail money, legal fees or inmate commissary benefits.  It is the responsibility of every parent, especially us Black parents, to do our best to make sure our kids do not head down the path of the five alleged perpetrators.  Sadly, it seems that despite all the barriers others put in our way for generations – the ones that we inflict upon ourselves continue to make matters worse.  We have to do better, Black people.  Dammit we just have to do better.

After watching and hearing Rush Limbaugh spew divisive and bigoted remarks for the past 20 years, it’s absolutely wonderful to now watch him whine and cry about unfairness.

See, what Rush and his fellow ditto-heads fail to realize, is that they can and should be held accountable for thier words THE SAME WAY THEY WISH TO HOLD OTHERS ACCOUNTABLE FOR WHAT THEY HAVE SAID!!

Has Jesse Jackson EVER been able to live down the “Hymie-town” statement? – No.  Will he EVER live down the “Cut Obama’s balls off ” statement? No.

Has Rev. Wright been able to live down the statements he made about white people and 9/11?  No.

Has President Obama been able to live down the “spread the wealth around” statement he made?  No.

Well Rush, now you know how it feels.  Your lifelong dream of NFL ownership will be rejected.  You have enough money.  You have rich and powerful friends.   I even give you credit for having some football knowledge.  But guess what – because of your controversial statements, insensitivity and lack of compassion and empathy for the feelings of others – you are not qualified to be an NFL owner.

See, the NFL prides itself on inclusiveness, diveristy and community support.  Three things that you obviously have no care or concern for. 

Despite your reference to it as a league of “Bloods and Crips” – MOST NFL players are responsible and contributing members of their communities.  They donate time to charities.  The support their families.  The play positive roles in their communities.  They give their free time to speak at schools and community events. 

See, what Rush and those like him fail to understand is that being inclusive and respectful is good for business!!!  The NFL isn’t charitable just to be charitable.  They aren’t inclusive just because they are nice people.  They also do it because IT MAKES THEM MORE PROFITABLE!!  Rush, while your mouth is good for YOUR business – it could (and would) do untold harm to the NFL.   Your reputation is far more toxic than any player in the NFL – even Mike Vick’s!!  See, at least Mike has paid his dues and has repented for his actions.  Rush has not.  Nor will he.  Until he does, let him go support a little league team somewhere….

After nine years of killing and spending, what have we accomplished?  Well, let’s take a look at the reasons we decided to invade in the first place.

1.  Capture Osama bin Laden – Nope.  Complete failure.  Over 600 American soldiers have died and hundreds of billions of dollars have been spent to catch one man – and we still have no idea where he is.

2.  Defeat Al Qaeda – hmmm – they are definitely weaker.  We’ve killed thousands of them.  They no longer control large parts of the nation – but they continue to successfully recruit new members.  We’ve beat them up – but we are a long way from defeating them

3.  Defeat the Taliban – despite what the Republicans believe, the Taliban IS NOT the same thing as Al Qaeda.  While the Taliban no longer rule all of Afghanistan, the still control large parts of the nation.  Once again, not defeated.

4.  Build a nation that can defend itself – Hamed Karzai, the presumed President of Afghanistan, is the head of one of the most corrupt governments in the world.  He’s accused of stealing an election.  His troops appear unable or unwilling to defend their nation.  Billions of dollars in aid have disappeared.  Karzai is a corrupt fool and a fake leader.  The government in Afghanistan is a joke.

Therefore, as much as it pains me to say this – so far, this mission is a failure.  This is not an indictment of our soldiers, sailors and Marines.  This is not an indictment of our contractors.  This is an indictment of the Bush administration’s handling of the war since it started, and an warning to President Obama as he debates how we move forward.

After nine years of marking time in Kabul and playing footsie with Pakistan, the time has come to make some tough decisions.  I personally believe that we should send more troops to Afghanistan – but it should come with strings attached.

1. More troops without a commitment for a REAL government in Afghanistan is a recipe for an expensive disaster!  Karzai must go!
2. The UN and NATO must help as well!  Bottom line, our nation is BROKE!  We can’t afford nine more years of this by ourselves!  If making Afghanistan a viable nation is important to WORLD security, then the WORLD should chip in to help out.
3. We must begin negotiations with the Taliban.  Let’s face it – the only way this thing ends is through a coalition government that includes the Taliban.  Afghanistan, like most nations, has some very conservative leaders that hold a lot of power.  They need to be guaranteed a place at the political table.  As long as any government plans to exclude them completely – they will resist violently.  Can you imagine what would happen if we banned Conservative Christians from our Government?

Afghanistan is a mess.  It was a mess before we invaded – and it is a bigger mess now.  General McChrystal and President Obama have the right ideas – and they agree on what needs to be done.  The only difference is that President Obama does not want to do it without the support of the rest of the world, while Gen. McChrystal wants to do it now – even if we have to do it alone.

I think the President is doing the right thing by waiting and listening before making a decision.  If we’ve waited this long to decide how to win in Afghanistan, a few more months will not hurt anything.   Let’s do the right thing – not the quick and popular thing.  That’s really the only way to win.

No disrespect to the President, but when I think about the other American Presidents and World Leaders that have received this prestigious award, I felt his resume left a lot to be desired when compared to theirs.

But all that changed when I heard the explanation of the head of the selection committee.  Simply put – they selected President Obama for this award for the same reason we elected him President – because they believe in him.

It’s incredible when you think about it how stunning this is.  Just last week, right wing pundits across the nation were celebrating the selection of Rio De Janeiro over Chicago in the pursuit of the Summer Olympics as the end of the “International Obama Phenomenon”.  Considering the political setbacks of health-care reform, the lack of support for closing Guantanamo bay from within his own party, and the inability of our leaders to accomplish any “real change” over the last few months – it’s incredible that the fact that he was even nominated escaped national headlines.

But – it did.  Which makes the fact that he won even more stunning!  The international message this sends is clear:  President Obama, despite the best efforts of his political enemies, is seen by the rest of the world as our best hope for international peace.  He is Luke Skywalker facing the Death Star.  He is Doug Flutie throwing a hail mary.  He is the 1980 American Hockey team facing the Russians.

Has President Obama accomplished anything concrete to deserve this award?  Well, it depends on your perspective.  As an American, I say no.  He hasn’t closed Guantanamo.  He hasn’t completed the pullout of Iraq.  There’s still a risk of war with Iran, and the Israeli/Palestinian conflict is still a raw nerve to the world.  If you add those things up and then consider Afghanistan – it’s amazing his nomination wasn’t thrown out of the nearest window.

However, as a citizen of the world, President Obama has more than earned this award.  In his brief tenure as leader of the free world, he has changed the course of the most feared and powerful military machine from a path of unrestrained aggression to one of tempered resolve.  He has challenged other world leaders as never before.  He has successfully advocated for a Palestinian state, while confirming our nation’s unwavering support of Israel as an ally.  He has taken off the brass knuckles and extended an open hand.  Before President Obama was elected, America was considered an over-aggressive international bully.  Now, we are once again seen as a strong and compassionate world leader.

At least, that’s where our President is trying to take us.  The world looks at America the same way America looked at Mike Tyson.  We’re young and strong, with all the talent in the world – but if we can’t control our demons, we’ll waste our tremendous gifts and become an international disappointment.  That’s what the Nobel selection committee sees.  They chose President Obama for this award not for what he has accomplished, but for what he’s trying to LEAD US TO ACCOMPLISH!   If we don’t get there, then the failure will not be his – it will be ours.

I’ve always envied my female friends for the close relationship they have with their mothers.  My relationship with my mother had always been strained.  We bumped heads constantly from my teen years to adulthood and seldom saw eye to eye on anything.  I ached on the inside for acceptance from her, yet never seemed to get it.  From the way I dressed, to the way I wore my hair, to any decisions I made in my life, I never seemed to please her.

When we relocated from South Carolina to North Carolina, my daughter and I stayed with her for 6 months and things only got worse.

I had to listen to her tell me every few days how much she wanted to be alone in her house and how she felt burdened with our presence there.  Although I searched for a job everyday, I never found one that was stable.  That only added more pressure to our already strained relationship.  By the time the 6 months was over, I was only too happy to leave her house! Too happy to have my own 4 walls to dwell in; too happy to give her her space and freedom; too happy to say goodbye and put distance between us.

I was gone for 4 months and seldom spoke to her or visited.  Then one Friday morning while I was at work I got a text from my mother stating she didn’t feel well and wanted to go to the hospital.  Before I was able to leave work, my cousin was able to take her to urgent care.   Apparently she was diagnosed with food poisoning and was given fluids for her dehydration.

The next morning my mother called to see if I could pick some things up from the drug store for her.  When I got to her house she was in so much pain, it was unsettling.  I had never heard someone vomit so violently before.  Against my better judgment, after I made her as comfortable as possible, I went home.  I told her to call me if she needed me.  Although I felt guilty about leaving her, I kept thinking about all the times she told me how she just wanted to be alone and how happy she would be when my daughter and I finally moved out.

The next day I slept late.  When I awoke and saw she hadn’t called, I assumed she was feeling better.  It wasn’t until 6:30pm when I started calling her on her house and cell phone and got no answer.  An hour later,  I called my aunt to see if she had heard from her.  When my aunt told me she had been calling my mother all day and got no answer either, I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

By 8:30pm my daughter and I were walking through her front door.  As soon as I got in and saw how the house was completely dark and quiet, my body started feeling cold.

As I walked through the house I started calling out to her as loud as I could.  ”MOTHER!!!!”.  I called out to her with each step I took until I was about     20 ft from her bedroom.  It was then I stopped frozen with fear.  For the first time in my life I experienced complete terror and what it means to be chilled to the bone.

My daughter, who was behind me, turned a light on and said, “Mom, what happened in here?”  I turned around to see the living room in complete disarray.  The end tables were turned over, the chairs were askew, and things were strewn all over.  The house didn’t look that way the day before and I knew something was terribly wrong.

I could see the darkness in her bedroom and was more aware that although I was yelling at the top of my lungs, she still had not answered me.  I was so in tune with how all the years of disagreeing and bumping heads went out the window.  I was scared.

It wasn’t until I started yelling out to her again, “Mother” and I heard a faint groan that I was able to enter her room.

I turned the light on and found her sitting on her bed in a state of delirium, but at least she was alive.  I called 911 and they were there in about 5 minutes.  I never saw food poisoning do this to somebody.

We got to the hospital a little after 9:30pm and it went downhill from there.  She had a fever of 104 and was in tremendous pain.

I watched her take a decline that scared the hell out of me.  Her lips were completely white and she looked like something out of a horror flick.

She made noises that sounded like she hurt like she never had before.  The emergency room staff couldn’t tell me what was wrong with her and it was pissing me off.

We didn’t leave the hospital until well after 5am and by then she was unconscious.

When I got back to the hospital around 8am, they were able to tell me my mother had pneumonia and bacterial meningitis.

When I asked if she was going to be alright they were honest and told me they didn’t know.  They said they’d seen people come out of it, end up with permanent brain damage, or die.

To that I said, “You don’t know my God, she’s not going to die”.  But I was scared.

Over the next 8 days I watched her everyday lay in that bed completely still with her eyes open; they never closed.  I reached out to all my friends to ask them to pray for full recovery for my mother.

On about the 5th day, I was alone in her room looking at her and wondering what was going on inside her mind and if she was aware of her condition.  I don’t know how long I’d been sitting like that but I went to her, sat on the bed, laid my head on her chest and just lost it.

Through my sobs I called out to the Creator, “Please, God, don’t take my mother from me”.  I don’t know how long I lie on her chest like that, but I started feeling guilty.  The last thing she needed was a crying sack of fear on her chest, I had to be stronger.

On the 7th night I left the hospital at around 8pm to do my laundry.  Before I left I asked the nurse if she could give my mother something for pain since she was hollering out from time to time.  When I returned around 11:30pm I could hear her screaming out as soon as I got off the staircase.  I was angry that she’d been hollering in pain since I left at 8pm.

I summoned the nurse and inquired why she hadn’t given her something sooner.  The nurse stated she hadn’t been hollering out for the entire time and gave her a shot of pain medication.

I was kneeling beside her as she quieted down and I said, really to myself, “look at me”.  She had had a fixed stare for 7 days and I really didn’t expect her to look.  I was about to stand, but before I did I saw her look me square in my eyes.  In my excitement I said, “You’re looking at me.”  Her eyes wandered off into a fixed stare again and I said, “No, I saw you.  You just looked at me, look at me again.”  I said it 3 more times and the 3rd time she did.  I got so excited I started crying.  “You’re looking at me.  I see you, you’re looking at me.”  She looked at me for about 2-3 minutes and I was the happiest I’d been in 7 days.

Her gaze wandered back into that stare again but I didn’t care.  I took this as a sign that she was going to be okay.  I left the hospital around 1am wondering what was yet to come.

The next morning my cousin called me around 9am when she got to the hospital and told me when she entered my mother’s room she was alert and said, “Hi, how are you.”  I rushed to the hospital to see for myself.

When I got there my mother was smiling and greeted me like she hadn’t seen me in a long time.  I couldn’t believe it, God is good all the time.

After another month in the hospital and going through rehab, she had had permanent effects from the meningitis.  She is completely deaf in her left ear and has very little hearing in the right ear.  She still has vertigo and she can’t drive yet, but all that will come in time.  We all prayed for full recovery and she comes closer to that with each passing day.

I believe God allows things to happen in our lives for a reason and although I don’t know the reason for my mother’s near death experience, I am grateful for what it has done for our relationship.

You see, when she was released from the hospital she required 24/7 care and that went on for a little over a month.  I was her dominant caregiver and I made sure all her needs were met.  As a result, she learned to depend on me and trust me as well.  We are now closer than we’ve ever been in my life and I finally got the mother-daughter relationship I always wanted.

Although she has come a long way from that first night she got sick, she is  still recovering from what the effects of the meningitis.  She had surgery to insert a cochlea implant to help her with the deafness and is still adjusting to learning to live with a hearing impediment.  She is still taking physical therapy to help her become more stable on her feet, but overall, she’s okay and that’s what matters most.

I’ve heard it said that God works in mysterious ways.  I’ve wondered if this happened to bring us closer, but then, God is not a cruel God so I really don’t know.  What do you think?

Hotep